We need to talk about trans people and power

I felt anxious today. I felt the sense of not being able to please everyone, of disappointing a lot of people. I felt the pressure and impossibility of being a trans person in leadership. We are not supposed to exist. We are supposed to be metaphors.

We are supposed to be metaphors for a more inclusive society. We are supposed to be invoked by cis people as a signifier of their political identity. "We need more trans people in leadership."

We are not supposed to have trans opinions. We are not supposed to hold cis people accountable. We are not supposed to stand in solidarity with others who have experienced medical gatekeeping.

Sometimes I wonder if us white cis-passing trans folks are just there to serve as a distraction from addressing racial justice issues. Trans people are interesting without triggering some of white people's visceral implicit bias.

Is there actually a way to be trans and be in leadership and be in my integrity? Only I can define for myself what my integrity means.

I googled gay men and power and mostly what came up was related to BDSM. Very different than when you google women and power. When you google trans people and power, a whole bunch of random stuff comes up, everything from political articles to HRC's "Understanding Transgender." Because we are considered to be confusing and subjects of discussion, not people who actually can or do access power in any capacity.

We need to talk about trans people and power. There are different types of power. People not knowing what you're about, that's a kind of power all its own.

We also need to talk about gay men and power. We too have been constructed as being without power, yet we have some of the same challenges as cis women but without a political framework with which to describe them.

But this piece was about trans people. It's almost like we're not supposed to actually exist but progressive cis people want us to be a theoretical fantasy by which they virtue-signal. We're not supposed to be messy. We're supposed to have one story – a story of confusion and oppression.

When I facilitated a trans patient panel for an audience of med students, I was struck by the way that the patients knew so much more than their doctors – about hormone interactions, about how to get the care they need, about how to move through the world. But that's not the story we hear. That's not the story cis people want told.

I used to say that power was having a good idea and the ability to implement it but now maybe I would talk about power in the context of stories. Owning one's narrative, getting to choose what narrative one presents to the world.